Diabolical
by SgtPastulio
Summary: KaibaxOC. Getting to work in the morning is even harder when your only mode of transportation is the back seat of a mad woman's moped. A side-story of 'He's Like A Knife In My Head'.


Blue eyes studied blue eyes intently, searching carefully in the reflective glass for any imperfection. Seto ran a long hand down his jaw, feeling for prickly spots, trying to catch any overlooked stubble. Perfect. As always. Anything less would be utterly unacceptable.

Perfectly pressed slacks over perfectly toned legs, immaculately shined shoes, crisp white collared shirt, slowly buttoned over smooth pale skin. Soft brunette bangs fell into place as always. The eldest Kaiba straightened his navy tie as he looked himself over once more, plucking a stray hair from his chest. His appearance was flawless, he gave a confident smirk as he turned and snatched up his coat and briefcase with a flourish.

Today was going to be absolutely perfect; it had to be. Seto would be negotiating plans with a smaller company that KaibaCorp had recently absorbed, and he'd had his poker face on for the past week, preparing for this deal. There was nothing, absolutely nothing, that would stop him from taking everything he wanted. He was calm, cool, and collected, and nothing could sour his composure.

"Mokuba Kaiba!" Save for that. That scruffy, mind-numbing thorn in his side that he was lucky enough to call his brother's 'babysitter'. Ren had been living on the Kaiba estate for just over a month now, and though Mokuba seemed to be having the time of his life, both Ren and Seto were less than pleased with their living arrangements.

The smaller woman gave three solid knocks on Mokuba's door, likely trying to rouse him for school... or break the door into splinters, Kaiba had no idea. She called his name once more, and Seto grit his teeth and closed his eyes tight, attempting to banish her from existence. Nails on a chalk board. Her voice was nails on a chalk board.

"Perhaps he'd be more inclined to come out if you weren't screaming at him like a she-harpy and pounding his door down like it's the apocalypse. Maybe he's already headed for the fall-out shelter." Kaiba quipped, as he passed Ren in the hallway. The girl turned her angry amber gaze on him, her morning a little less bright as she set her eyes on the CEO. She had about six retorts at the tip of her tongue, ready to strike, when finally, Mokuba emerged from his room, dark bags under sleep deprived eyes, hair in disarray.

Ren narrowed her gaze at the teenager, giving him the once-over, one arm crossed over her chest. "You're gonna be late, Mokuba."

"Sorry, Ren." He apologized, rubbing the sleep from his eyes, "My alarm didn't go off on time."

Her frown remained set in place as she stared the teen down, listening to the shrill alarm sounding from the dark depths of his room. "You stayed up late playing games and then slept through your alarm again, didn't you?"

Mokuba opened his mouth to protest, but Ren just raised a hand to silence him. "It's okay." She smiled as she shook her head, eyes rolling skyward, "I understand. Get in the shower and brush your teeth while you're in there. You can eat on your way to school. And haul ass if you want to make it to your first period!" She hollered down the hallway, as he ran for the bathroom. Ren giggled quietly, flouncing down the stairs, shoes making neat waffle prints in the carpet with her heavy footsteps.

"Big deal today, right Kaiba?" Ren smirked, finding the other brunette at the kitchen counter, studying the Tokyo Stock Exchange carefully. Stupid, really, that he paid so much attention to statistics that he had relayed to him day in and day out. What could have changed? KaibaCorp had gained, what, another ten points? No news to Ren.

She took a seat across the counter, watching him just as intently, keeping a careful eye out for any change in his facial expression. That playful, foxlike smirk touched her lips once again, chin perched on a light hand. "Don't fuck up, buddy buddy. I hear those family-run old-timers never waver. How embarrassing would that be to have a small-time owner take you for a ride?"

Nothing yet. Ren's smile faltered just slightly. Usually Kaiba would have taken her bait by now, but he hadn't even looked up from his paper. He was in the zone. It would take a lot more than her gentle jabs to get him to crack today. She brushed a piece of choppy auburn hair from her face, eyes locked on Seto's. She would get him to crack. He always did. And always would, without fail.

"Don't you worry that ridiculous little head of yours, Kuroki." Kaiba quipped, finally looking up from the stock page, folding it neatly into quarters and laying it before her. That familiar confident, smug smile was at his mouth yet again as he rose from his bar stool. What a cock. Ren's left eye twitched ever so slightly, her morning already ruined, just from fifteen minutes of enduring Seto Kaiba. "Don't stare, Kuroki, it's rude." He narrowed his icy eyes at her, glinting with mischief as he snatched up his briefcase and key ring, holding up a key that Ren knew well. The Lambo, of course. Striking silver. Butterfly doors. Classy. Confident. Badass. The 'Big Deal' car. "This day will be over and done with in no more than forty-five minutes. I'll be home for lunch. Right on time to rub it in your face."

"Tch." Ren rolled her eyes, watching as the CEO strode away. She would have made another crack, but what difference would it have made? She had already lost; she had let him ruffle her feathers. Today obviously wasn't her day. It was his to take by the throat.

The Murcielago chirped happily as Seto unlocked the door, sliding into the plush leather seats. It was true; this was his victory-mobile. The Lamborghini roared to life, sending a pleasant euphoria dancing up his spine. The man had a penchant for fine machinery, and the Lambo only served to brighten his already chipper mood. Seto hit the garage door opener and revved the engine, contentedly awaiting the long stretch of road before him. The long, curvy road down into the city and the wind in his hair. The pumping adrenaline and the promise of suckering another chump at the end of the day. It would be marvelous.

But the stretch of road never came. Kaiba hit the button again. The garage door must have been stuck. He mumbled something about shitty manufacturing, and how he should have built the damned thing himself as he pressed hard on the opener. The garage door remained sealed shut. Stupid thing must need batteries, is all...

The usual frown set into Seto's face as he stepped from the silver car, unlocking the nearest one to him and pressing that one's door opener. Nothing. Kaiba blinked. Hard, as he worked over what could possibly be happening. Several hypotheses were apparent at first. Number one: each and every one of his remotes needed new batteries. Highly unlikely. Number two: his garage door was simply malfunctioning, or there was some sort of interference between the door and the remotes. Very likely. And number three: Ren was just playing some sick, twisted, and elaborate practical joke on him. Kaiba wouldn't put it past her, but on the other hand, he didn't think her smart enough to pull off breaking his garage door.

Kaiba crossed an arm over his chest, resting his chin on the fingers of his other hand. Though he remained collected on the outside, his mind was racing. He had roughly thirty minutes to get to work on time and prepare himself for the meeting. That gave him a twenty minute commute, and only ten minutes to work out how he would get there, if he hauled ass and burst into the conference room like a bona fide badass. Which was sounding appealing.

He weighed his options carefully. The garage door was reinforced titanium. He couldn't break though that even if he tried. Not with a car, not with a sledgehammer, not with a wrecking ball. He hadn't built his home to be impenetrable only to have freaks burst in through a damned aluminum garage door.

He could always call the chauffeur... Though, it regularly took the driver twenty minutes to get to the manor, which meant that with delays, he would be at least fifteen minutes late for his meeting. Kaiba sighed, shoulders drooping just slightly as he withdrew his key from the Lamborghini and made his way back into the house. Fifteen minutes late was better than not showing at all.

Ren gazed over her shoulder with a coy glint in her eye, hearing the garage door slam shut and shake the photos on the wall. Kaiba hadn't gone yet? And he was pissed about something, perhaps she would have another chance to irritate him before he left for work. "What's wrong, haven't left yet?" Ren queried, eyes following Seto as he clicked through the contacts in his cellular. "Did you miss me too much?"

"That's exactly it." Kaiba quipped, all attention focused on scrolling through the seemingly endless digital address book, "You're going to love waiting for the chauffeur with me, since the magic of the Shadow Realm, or whatever, just fantastically broke my garage door."

"Oh please, don't be such a drama queen, that shit can't possibly be broken." Ren replied, head cocked forward as she sent him a blunt stare. "You didn't manufacture it; it must work."

Seto gazed up from his phone just slightly, narrowing one visible icy blue eye at the babysitter. "I could fire you and find another girl just like you. Less annoying, too."

Ren laughed aloud, pounding a fist on the counter as her shoulders shook with absolute glee. If Kaiba were to fire her, he would have done it by now. Which was... surprising, in and of itself. She had to admit, sometimes she was just blatantly mean to the man, and she knew that others had been fired for less. In fact, just the other day, Kaiba had let a maid go for simply wearing a brand of perfume that he didn't like. Albeit it was rather strong, like the woman had bathed in it, but still...

"Why don't you just have Ren take you on her moped, Seto?" The sitter turned to the youth, who was toweling his hair in the kitchen doorway. "You park it in the back, don't you? That way you won't have to wait for the driver, and you won't be late for your meeting, brother."

She shared a concerned gaze with the elder Kaiba, thinking over Mokuba's proposition. She was liking it more and more, the more thought she gave it. As much as she didn't ever want Kaiba on her little white Vespa, the idea of him clinging to her back like a scared little girl was absolutely priceless! She couldn't sound too happy about it, though. Kaiba had a keen eye for her mischief, and she had to act as cool as possible until she got him on the back of her moped. "Tch..." she sighed nonchalantly, shaking her head, "I guess I could do that... Really, Mokuba, what difference does it make if he's fifteen minutes late? He's the boss, you're only fifteen. You'll be late for school. I thought I was going to take you."

"He's not getting on the back of that death mobile with you, Kuroki." No way. There was not a snowball's chance in Hell that he would let his brother hop on the back of that moped with Ren. He would rather have his little brother late for school than dead, and though he was loathe to relinquish control... He exhaled sharply, pointedly not meeting Ren's gaze. "Get your keys."

Ren nearly tripped and fell to the floor as she scampered off to fetch her keys, rubber soles squeaking happily against the linoleum as she ran. Oh, would this be good, or would this be good? She snatched the key ring off of her desk and practically flew down the long hallway, soaring down the stairs. Ren was practically bouncing in her seat as she pulled the shiny white vespa around to the front of the estate, waiting eagerly for Kaiba to finish calling Mokuba a driver and to get his things together.

"If I find out that you skipped out on the chauffeur and ended up not going to school, you will regret it." Seto warned the younger Kaiba at the front door, Mokuba leaning amusedly in the door frame. "I mean it, Mokuba, you're already missing first period, you had better make it to Spanish."

"Come on, Seto, you cut class plenty of times to manage the company, and you still managed to graduate." Mokuba teased, shaking his head at his brother. "Get to work, like you said, it's a big day. And millionaires don't become millionaires by being late to important meetings."

Kaiba couldn't help but smile as he ruffled Mokuba's hair and gave him a light shove back into the house. The kid was wise for his age, and it brought a smile to his face to know that even though Seto wasn't around all of the time, his brother had managed to grow up a pretty decent young adult. Now, if he could only convince him to never, ever hire anybody like Ren Kuroki, he would be perfectly content.

"Come on now, Kaiba!" Ren chirped, tossing him a spare helmet as he secured his briefcase in the bike's inner compartment. Kaiba gave the woman a blank stare as she squashed the white helmet onto her own head, short layers of brunette sticking out of the bottom, tickling her neck and chin. He had seen Kuroki's helmet hair before. It wasn't pretty. Not at all. He really didn't want to risk looking like a complete ass in front of his investors, so he gingerly lowered the helmet atop his head, attempting to keep his hair as intact as possible.

Ren had to suppress a snort of glee as she watched Kaiba struggle with the helmet. He was more of a girl than she was! She patted the back of the seat fondly, beckoning him over. She cocked her head towards the cushion, and he grudgingly stepped forward, straddling the very back of the seat, a solid five inches from Ren's back. "Hold on."

Nothing. She turned to face the man. He hadn't moved his hands, nor scooched any closer to her. He would surely fall off and die if he didn't hold on to her. Which sounded rather quite appealing, however, Ren was really fond of her job, and she wasn't done fucking around with Kaiba yet. "Seto." She warned, her voice set and serious, "Hold my waist."

Still nothing. Kaiba was set in his ways, and there was no way that he would lay any unwanted hand on her. Zero unnecessary contact, that's how he liked to play. Ren shrugged, revving the engine as she turned her eyes back to the road ahead. "Fine." She shrugged, "You can fall and die, then."

Ren kicked off and took off faster than Kaiba had time to react to, so he acted on the only coherent thought bouncing around in his head. He lifted his feet from the ground, lunged forward, and clung to the smaller girl like his life depended on it. Which, it did, with the way Ren was driving. The girl zipped down the curvy road of the sprawling estate faster than Kaiba ever had, taking corners with expertise. He would have been impressed, had he not been fearing for his life.

She whipped around cars without any regard for proper traffic laws and sped through every single yellow light, trying very desperately to either get Seto to work on time, or to make him soil himself. Ren screeched to a halt at a red light downtown (finally!), and Kaiba had to fight the urge to kick her off the damn bike and take the handles himself. He was squeezing her tighter than he was expecting, and had to forcefully loosen his grip on his own wrists in order to let her go. "You are trying to kill me." He hissed in her ear, hands now loosely gripping her waist.

"Yup!" Seto's eyes shot open as Ren hit the gas once more, snaking through traffic, hooting and hollering and having the time of her life. The wind whipped through her hair, slapping against her forehead as she dove around a corner of the business district, enjoying the feel of Kaiba's fingers digging into her sides, gripping for his life. This was her game, and she was winning.

Finally, after what seemed like an eternity (a very, very short eternity, mind), Ren pulled right up into the plaza in front of the KaibaCorp doors and killed the motor, dropping down the kick-stand and setting her sneakers on the ground. She sighed contentedly, removing her helmet and shaking out her hair, pleased to see that the helmet hadn't mussed it too badly. She was even more pleased to see Kaiba nearly trip over himself trying to get off of the bike, his legs successfully turned to Jell-O.

He yanked the helmet off of his head and ran a hand through his hair, trying desperately to compose himself before his meeting. On the bright side, he had made it to the office on time. And alive, but just barely. And he had Ren to thank for both of those.

Ren smiled, reaching up and brushing a strand of hair out of Kaiba's eyes as he opened his mouth to make some snide remark. "Your hair looks fine, so stop complaining." She commented, popping open the Vespa's seat compartment and fishing out his briefcase. "And besides, I think it looks better all wispy and windswept like that."

Kaiba sneered down his nose at her, snatching up his things as he shook out his hair. "You are the most irresponsible, pig-headed, annoying, obnoxious, life-endangering woman I have ever met, and you could have killed us both."

"I got you to work on time."

Seto softened, only just slightly. He crossed his arms and looked the other way, studying the fountain in the courtyard closely. "That you did."

She gave a kind smile as he turned back to meet her gaze, taking a shy step closer to the taller man. "Thanks for letting me drive you around, Kaiba."

Ren leaned up and carefully placed a soft, warm kiss on his chin; as high as she could get without him bending over and meeting her in the act. A light flush rose to Seto's cheeks, as pink as he would allow himself to become in front of his company like this. He stared, confused, at the smaller brunette, his normally calculating mind at a complete halt. She chewed lightly at her lower lip, that quirky, endearing smile tugging at the corner of her mouth. His pleasure didn't last for long, though, as the cute, soft smile transformed into the diabolical grin he knew too well.

"Have fun in your meeting, Seto." Kaiba's face fell, as he was slammed back down to reality. That. Fucking. Bitch. He had fallen for it. Like a complete and utter chump. Suckered in by rosy cheeks and windblown hair and a pretty face, just like fucking Joey Wheeler. She had played him like a violin.

Ren's grin couldn't have been wider as she watched the drastic changes in the millionaire's facial expressions. She knew then that she had won. He may have been the master of card games, but she remained the undisputed mistress of power games. And though it was difficult to keep her title in the Kaibas' home, she really did enjoy the fight.

"Somebody is so fired today." Seto growled, thrusting the mod white helmet back at her, turning to make his way into the building.

"You'll need that later." Ren smirked, straddling the moped once again and revving the small engine. She tossed the helmet back to him, smacking him square in the chest, barely caught on the tips of his fingers. "Give me a call and I'll get you later. You can spend the day thinking up clever remarks."

Before Seto could let fly the acidic retort on his tongue, Ren was gone, peeling off down the street, bobbing and weaving through traffic like a mad woman. It was truly a wonder how he trusted his younger brother with the girl. "I mean it!" He hollered down the street, keeping true to his promise. Somebody was so fired.

He pushed through the glass double doors and smacked the button for the elevator as hard as he could. He glared at the elevator doors, absolutely furious with the woman. He had no idea what he would do when he got home, but he just knew --

"Mister Kaiba, I've brought you your--" Quick as a whip, one of Seto's hand was in his briefcase, the other was in his coat pocket, and before the poor redhead knew what was happening, he was holding a pink slip in her face.

"What!?" The assistant screeched, the poor girl just about ready to burst into tears. "What have I--!? Why!?"

"Because I can hardly remember your name right now, and in about fifteen minutes, I won't even care." The girl sobbed, before throwing the extra hot skim milk cafe latte to the ground, the splash barely missing Kaiba's shoes. It hardly fazed him. It was like he said; he wouldn't remember that girl in the next half hour.

But he would remember that ride for the rest of his life.


End file.
